Overcoming The Victim Mode
Overcoming The Victim Mode
What value is there in keeping our past alive, especially when it wasn’t so great the first time around?
This may seem a strange question but it is very true. When we allow ourselves to live in"victim mode”, we are keeping our past alive and preventing a future of happiness and fulfillment.
How do we live in "victim mode”?
We do things like undermining our own ability to do certain tasks, we become angry, make ourselves sick, sabotage good relationships or attract and keep unhealthy relationships.
The choices we make that activate our "victim mode” are subconscious and automatic. They are triggered by common responses that occur regularly in everyday life. They are so automatic that we often do not even realise we have triggered them.
We can recognise them easily because these responses usually start with a negative statement such as “I can’t, “I won’t”, “But” or “No!”
Every time we allow ourselves to be victimised or if we choose to put ourselves voluntarily in victim mode, we are reinforcing the victim inside of us. Even when we stand up for ourselves against threats, we are often reinforcing the belief systems that support our victim because the method we use for standing up for ourselves is based in fear. It is a reaction against rather than a chosen action “for”.
So what can we do to get past "victim mode”?
We need to look at our "victim mode” as a game we play with ourselves. We need to stop playing this game.
The first and basic step in getting past victim, is to become aware of how we talk to ourselves. Learn to listen to our own thoughts and what words we use. If the thought is basically negative, victim mode is in place. However, by just changing our wording, the blind barrier of the victim can be transcended. All we have to do is be willing to give ourselves a chance.
Choose positive words!
We individually are the one and only person that has to listen to our own thoughts 24/7. We are also the only person who can choose how we act out on our own thoughts. We are the only one who end up reacting to our thoughts and paying for our choice in words.
We are always the director of our thoughts. We can pick and choose which thoughts we want to recognise and give energy to. We create actions that cause related thoughts to be brought to our consciousness.
When we let our thoughts run without any form of management, we allow unhealthy thoughts to have far too much importance.
Thoughts are powered by emotion. This is a learnt relationship that developed during our childhood. If we look back at our childhood, we will soon see the relationship and how it developed. The negative thoughts with their emotions will be stronger for us than any positive thoughts. This is because we are more familiar with them and have a more intense emotional history with them than with positive thoughts.
Through years of constant reinforcement the negative thoughts will be heard in our head most often. The positive thoughts are there and get to express sometimes but they will often be dismissed or undermined because they lack any kind of emotional punch.
So what can we do about this imbalance of power between negative and positive thoughts?
Again, the first step is recognition. Recognise a thought for what it is… a thought. It is nothing more than that.
We always have the power to choose whether we want to act upon any thought. However, it takes practise to move our mind out of victim mode and to choose the better thought.
Are we willing to do it?
Are we willing to take the time to listen to the goings-on in our head?
Are we willing to become the new manager of our thoughts and stay with it?
All we have to do is say “I can”. We are the only ones that can do it. You are the only one who can make changes in your life.
When difficult or undesirable thoughts come up this is what we do:.
• Recognise the thought as undesirable • Remember that we have complete choice about acting on the thought • If we choose to activate the thought, do so remembering that we are responsible for its outcome). • If we recognise the thought as undesirable, take no action on the thought. • Just let it go!
Here are some tools that will help you to let go of undesirable thoughts:
• Be aware of your thoughts as best you can (It will not ever be 100% of the time) • Try to focus your mind elsewhere without resorting to using external blocking devices such as drugs, alcohol, loud music, and excesses such as overeating. • Focus your mind elsewhere by singing, whistling, listening to peaceful music, purposeful thinking about other subjects, or exercise. • If you are in a situation that encourages undesirable thinking, get out of it at least until you can get calmed down.
The more you take responsibility in the management of your thoughts the more you empower yourself. Be kind to yourself in the process. Beating yourself up for slipping is another form of empowering your victim. No one is perfect.
As you become more invested in your own mind management program, you will find that your present life situations may begin to change as well. As you become more aware of how you do your life, you will become aware of how some of the people and the situations in your life support your victim. Eventually, you will be faced with some tough decisions.
When you are ready, you will need to help these people and situations to decide whether they are to stay in your life or not. In my books, it is always preferable to keep the familiar in your life, however, they will have to change with you to accommodate the changes you are making or they will not fit any more.
As you begin the process of letting go of your "victim mode”, it is essential to include the key people in your life. They need to know what you are up to. They also must support you and will, hopefully, join with you. After all, only victims hang out with other victims.
When you get into a tough situation where you feel you are losing your ability to stay clear, if you feel it is necessary, slowly put up your hand like a stop sign and state how you are feeling in a single sentence such as “I am feeling scared right now so I need to stop.” Then stand still in that position and allow the other person to digest your statement. Be resolved to stop. Do not allow yourself to be forced into continuing on if you feel you are not able or willing to.
Be sure the other person is aware of this sign beforehand so they do not think you are going to hit them. After all, they have a victim too.
The key is getting past your "victim mode”, is your own ability to stay true and loving to yourself. It will take a lot of time and a lot of mistakes but just be fine with it.
Remember that our goal is to be happy with ourselves as human beings. We also desire to feel safe. We must get ourselves out of "victim mode” and into our own loving power in order to meet this goal. We must do this by empowering ourselves and supporting others in their journey to the same end. Nobody ever felt safe or truly happy being a victim. Your own personal happiness depends on you making choices that are good for you.
Michael J Robey
Psychic Medium | Psychic Investigator