Why Are You Attracted To The Wrong People
Why Are You Attracted To The Wrong People?
You may have reflected on this question a lot. Most people at some point ask themselves
“Why am I attracted to people who are wrong for me?”There are so many subconscious things that attract us to a person, it’s impossible, really, to have a full understanding of what motivates any of us. Feeling A Lack Of Self Worth Your self worth may be lifted high when you go out on a date, only to find it come crashing down when they failed to call or agree for a second date. Or the courtship phase inevitably leads to some form of disappointment — on both parts — as things begin to get "real".
Maybe you are putting your happiness in the hands of others; Letting them decide if you are worth it; taking on a person as if it were like a challenge: e.g. “I’ll make him fall in love with me!” But that’s like working backwards - when really, the only approval you need is your own. Knowing You Self Worth You will understand and know your self worth when you don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone, let alone‘make’them fall in love with you. Self worth is one of the defining factors in who you find yourself attracted to. Maybe you don’t think you deserve what you truly want, so you settle for less. We’ve all heard about the law of attraction— it also plays an important part in relationships. If you walk around thinking, “I’m not beautiful enough, I’m not funny enough, I’m not smart enough”, then how will you possibly attract a partner that will see these qualities in you? If your actions always stem from your thoughts, when you're having thoughts like these (consciously or unconsciously), you're not naturally positioning yourself into the company of others of like-minded action. Yet when your self-esteem is in a high state, it will do the opposite. You will attract people that feed into it. Either way, it begins and ends with you. Playing The Field or Fearing Commitment? Fear also plays an important role in who you might be attracted to. Especially in the younger generation. In this days of social media we’ve developed this ability of being able to bounce from one thing to another, without having to invest too much time or energy into it. Just like instant custard. Being with someone who isn’t right for you requires no less than that. It’s simply a temporary solution for an everlasting problem. The truth is, nobody wants to be alone, but nobody wants to be hurt either. Hence the compromise of being with someone just to fill a void, with no commitment, no disappointments, no heartbreaks. It may suit and your life style, yet how long in life can you continue with this kind of emptiness. Now, falling in love: that’s scary. Being with someone who is right for you and letting them in, is putting yourself in a very vulnerable state, because it might actually work. You will both have to get to know each other, adapt, find common ground and compromise. There are consequences to love and some of us would rather not deal with the eventuality of getting hurt. There are many different reasons why women fall for the wrong men, including self-esteem issues, misplaced priorities, a disregard for red flags, as well as a need for relationship drama. Fortunately, once you fully understand the underlying causes behind your misplaced attention and affection toward these unworthy and undeserving men, you can close this chapter in your life and look toward a better and brighter future. Mr. Right can right around the corner if you do right by yourself first. For men who fall for the wrong woman, it is generally because they are looking for an easy outlet. If your values are shallow then that is what you are likely to attract. A woman of long term worth seeks love, affection, understanding, solidity and loyalty. The Journey Ends Where It Began: With Your Self If you look back on some of the situations you settled for in the past, it always comes down to how you felt about yourself. There are things you are willing to tolerate when you don’t value yourself enough, that you wouldn’t accept if you were in a place of perfect harmony with your self worth, so setting about changing your thoughts and raising your consciousness is the best self worth exercise you can do for yourself.. Everyone has their differing methods of going about it– it all depends on what you want out of life. But in life, like relationships, there is one thing for certain of: it all starts from within you. Are you ready to settle down, just not with anyone you’ve been dating lately? Reasons You May Be Attracting The Wrong Types Of Partner 1; You Mistakenly Think It's Chemistry Why do you pick the wrong people? Is there a subconscious part of you that draws you to particular people who trigger a familiar feeling. You may think it’s chemistry when the fireworks go off, but what’s actually happening is that your inner drama queen is having a field day. 2.You're Bored With The Nice Type And Go For The Bad You’re bored with the nice guy / gal and crave attention from those who act disinterested. Most people think they will never have chemistry with someone “nice” and that could very well be true. If you don’t change your mate selection mechanism, you will subconsciously choose the same heartache every time. You will ignore the obvious red flags, believing, that “this relationship” will be different … but nothing changes. 3. You Pick Out Someone Only On Their Looks Or Style You pick someone for really shallow reasons, due to their look, act, style or sexual drive. Yet you know you really shouldn’t be picking your next partner by the style of clothes they wear, the way they hold themselves walking, or whether they have a cute ass. 4. You Fear Being Alone Is being single a stigma for you? A feeling of being "left on the shelf" Not being able to deal with your own self destructing thoughts. Not knowing how to constructively fill your time alone. Those who know how to enjoy their own company and build an independent, fulfilling life are generally, in a much better position to choose a worthy and suitable partner, When you feel anxious or afraid to be alone, you usually haven’t developed a strong enough sense of self. That can lead you to choose romantic partners from a place of desperation rather than a place of strength. 5. You Rely On Your Checklist Women especially have developed a need for a checklist of what they think they want in a guy, from the beginning. This may help, however its restrictive: counting how many or not the guy tick the boxes is limiting; it doesn't account for spontaneity, seeing the bigger picture; and anyway do you really know what you want? It sure irritates the guy when he feels like he is being scrutinised without participation in your own personal "Mr Right" questionnaire. So keep it to yourself if you really feel the need. Men don't necessarily work in this way, at first its more gut.predatory instinct, and how you are responding to him. Dealing with long term ideals of whether you match what he is looking for comes over time. Deeper emotional feelings are harder for men to express and will take time to manifest. The same for men - don't make it obvious your possibly functioning on a predatory instinct, be sensitive and responsive to her ideals and desires, it will improve you as well. 6. You Have Relationship Deal Breakers What are your deal breakers - what you simply won’t tolerate in someone you’re thinking of getting serious with? Figure out which character traits get on your nerves and you’ll be better equipped to avoid partners who possess them, consider your own values; what you want in a partner, and which things would break the deal for you. 7. You Think You Can Change Your Partner Let go of the hero complex: If your instinct is to “fix” every person you date, you need to reevaluate your approach to relationships; you can’t love away their problems. Lead by example yes, express what you feel is right or wrong. yes ! But don't waste your time and energy trying to change someone as its not helping them, no matter how hard you try. Change ultimately has to come from within one's own self. Saying to yourself that you can change your partner, really means you have bashed right up against one of your deal breakers. Face reality - your partner won’t change, You will have to give up one of your core values to accommodate Trying to initiate change in them will only lead to conflict and heartbreak in the end, 8. You've Not Figured Out What You Need In Life Firstly you need to work on your own issues. What is your relationship with yourself? How do you resolve your own problems? How much do enjoy your own company? What do you do to look after and treat yourself? How much are you willing to improve yourself and your circumstances? What do you need in life to create a stable content environment for you? If you haven't done your own self analysis; self worth; self love work and made positive changes for yourself, the likelihood is you are not going to know how to effectively build a relationship with a partner. You can’t change your partner, but you can do the inner work required to get a handle on your own issues, In fact, it’s probably the most important step you can take to break your old dating patterns. If you continue to make the same mistake over and over again, until you learn your lesson, whatever that mistake might be, including dating the wrong type of person, you will continue swirling around in a repetitive destructive karmic cycle. Address your own issues and you’ll attract a partner with considerably less baggage themselves. 9. You Believe Your Relationship Will Complete You There is a huge mistake that many people make when looking for a partner. It is the belief that a romantic relationship is the key to being happy. It’s not true. In fact, this mindset may actually be sabotaging your experience of finding a partner. When you have that underlying feeling of needing to find a relationship out of fear, your entire vibe can change from calm and collected to insecure and riddled with self-doubt. Other people can feel it when you have anxiety about finding love. When you approach a relationship from a sense of emptiness inside, the people you’re dating will sense it and it won’t feel good to them. 10. You Choose A Partner With Familiar Traits You may gravitate towards what you're familiar with (often relating to prior parental relationships). If what you’re familiar with is; men with mommy issues; women with daddy issues; an inability to hold down a job; have temper tantrums; be verbally or physically abusive; or your first relationship was one that left you hurt and wounded, it’s probably time to date outside your type. It goes against logic to keep choosing a partner that will ultimately hurt you, but matters of the heart are not always logical, Your sexual attraction can be too great or the inherent need to be abused, based on family or past relationships. You may have had an unstable parental figure in your life as a child, It is possible that you are choosing relationships that repeat the unavailability, rejection or abandonment issues that were familiar in your earliest relationship with the opposite sex. In a sense, you seek comfort in that familiar scenario – even if it is one filled with angst. These are attractions of deprivation, and it’s possible it stems from your childhood. The longer you continue these cycles, the more your sense of self-worth erodes, making it harder and harder to remove yourself from the pleasure / pain pattern of unhealthy, inaccessible relationships. 11. Your Previous Dating Efforts Have Proven Fruitless Dating may often feel like a fruitless search. Hopes and expectations at the beginning of each relationship, too often peter out to be disappointing and even disillusioning in the long run. Yet, you may continue to put huge amounts of your time and energy into exploring every possible option for a long-lasting partnership. Despite multiple setbacks, you keep reaching for that elusive needle in a romantic haystack whether through online dating sites, meeting up in bars, leisure activities or social events. Take stock of how much time and effort you are putting into this never ending search. Use your time more wisely, do something for yourself for a change, let go of the seeking and allow yourself to be the attraction, through your own increased time management, enjoying constructive activities which make you a much more interesting person to be with. 12. You Are Afraid Of Commitment Are you drawn to people with commitment issues? It may be because you have commitment issues of your own. People sometimes reject wonderful partners who exist in plain sight but are not recognisable to them because of their fear of commitment. Sometimes they’re not even fully aware of this fear. Only when you are ready to commit, is it possible to break the pattern and find someone you consider relationship material. As well as focusing on a single partner, without commitments and has a new approach to dating and relationships. 13. You Don’t Think You Deserve Better The type of person you date is a direct reflection of the value you place on yourself, It really comes down to you and what you feel you deserve, which is something that can only you can work out internally. 14. You Fantasise About The Glitz You may thrive on the fantasy of a glitzy life experience, such as a grand engagement, wedding, a house, and babies; and you just figure you will deal with the rest later, IE. your relationship struggles as you put huge pressure on your partner to participate in these fantasies. How To Change Your Dating Patterns If you’re constantly finding yourself in relationships with people who devalue or disrespect you, the question really becomes, ‘What am I getting out of this?’ Is it simply a reinforcement that you’re not good enough, can’t do better or aren’t worth more?” Ultimately, the question is not how to change your partner but how to make changes in you that will attract and make you attracted to a healthier partner. To get started, ask yourself how you would answer yes or no to the following questions: 1) Have your past partners turned out to be who you thought they would? 2) Is it important to you that your partners impress others? 3) Is the partner you want available within your current dating options? 4) Are you being realistic in getting what you want based upon what you have to offer? 5) Are the qualities you look initially for in a partner those you need for the long haul? 6) Are you most often attracted to partners who are “out of reach?” 7) Are your choices more often based more on romantic myths rather than pragmatic possibilities? If your answers to questions 1-4 are “no,” and those to 5-7 are “yes,” you are much less likely to find success in a healthier relationship, than if you continue searching the way you have in the past. How To Change Your Fortunes To Attract A Solid Partner 1. Break Bad Patterns
Look for common themes in your relationships and figure out where the patterns have their roots. Try to identify the underlying fear you likely have of actually getting close to someone. Face the fear so you can break the bad pattern. 2. Pay Attention To Your Dreams
Your dreams are your insight to guide you on your journey to a fulfilling relationship. They speak to you in symbolic language so you need to journal about them and follow your inner guidance. 3. Create An Inner Dialogue
Work with your subconscious mind by visualising and facing the part of you that acts as a positive attraction to others, Ask yourself questions and trust the answers that come to you. 4. Shift Your Subconscious
You will see a huge difference in who you’re attracted to and who is attracted to you. You may even notice that more opportunities will show up to meet someone special and that friends will come out of nowhere to introduce you to someone worthy. 5. Think You Have To Say The Right Words
Don’t worry about saying the right things or playing the dating game. If you are well tuned together, all will flow as meant to be as you are both committed to make it work. 6. Investing Too Much On A Potential Relationship
Take note of how much you are investing in potential relationship. The more you invest, the more vested you become. When you don’t get in return the love and attention you want, it may seem natural to give more. However if you invest more under these limiting terms you will only to find yourself more disappointed. If there isn’t a foundation of love, respect and commitment with the person you’re dating, giving more and doing nice things will not cause them to love you more, it’ll only result in you becoming increasingly attached. 7. Consider Consequences Of Entering Into A Sexual Commitment Too Early
Before you engage in another act of love, ask yourself what your true intention is. Are you giving without expectation of receiving anything back in return? Are you keeping score? Or, is there a part of your giving that is rooted in the hopes you will get love and acknowledgement in return? 8. Recognise Unhealthy Traits Of Familiarity
Recognise you may be attracted to partners which are consciously or subconsciously based on an unstable parental figure in your life as a child. These relationships are often not so healthy and are simply re-in acting the issues between yourself and your parent(s). Which does not allow you to grow out of this emotional attachment and grow into true adulthood. 9. Make Wiser Conscious Choices
Once you have an objective sense of why you choose the way you do, you put ourselves in a better position to make conscious choices and to shift your negative patterns. This will help you get on the path of finding a healthy and whole relationship. 10. Be Confident
When you’re confident, the energy you give off will convey that being in a relationship is your choice, not a dire need. This confidence is a major attraction as the other person feels safer, doesn't feel pressured and wants a piece of your confidence within them. Conclusion The truth is that only you can complete you, the healing process of one’s own emptiness cannot be handed over to your partners. This is personal work that if left undone will follow you from one relationship to the next. Each relationship you encounter in your life comes with lessons for you to learn and what you need to evolve. One of the most profound and challenging aspects of being in a relationship is that it provides you with the opportunity for personal growth, if you allow it. Each relationship you encounter in your life comes with lessons to learn and what you need to evolve. But you have to want to evolve. And until you do, you will continue to face the same issues with each relationship moving forward.
If you can think of each relationship as an opportunity to examine where you get stuck or triggered and aim to work on those parts of yourself then you will put yourself in a far better position to choose healthy, whole relationships.
Michael J Robey
Psychic Medium | Psychic Investigator