Practising Detachment You may be tired of living with an addict (whatever their addiction is) but can't leave. It's so painful and you don't know what else to do. There is a solution. You can regain your sanity by practising detachment.
What Is Detachment? Detachment is letting another person experience their consequences instead of taking responsibility for their problems.It's focusing on yourself rather than rescuing them. This concept helps whenever you're trying to change or stop someone else's behaviour. Detachment doesn't mean you stop caring. It means lovingly letting go of solving the problems associated with the addiction. It's about not participating in the drama or chaos. Whether it's missing work, neglecting personal commitments and self care, leave the alcoholic's problems alone. Detachment is experiencing our feelings allowing them to control us. We step back and look at things objectively. We let go and accept what we cannot change. We detach from others choices, knowing that their spiritual work is not ours to do. We choose how we will act rather than just reacting. We step away from harmful cravings. Detachment is a deep breath of peace and patience in response to unexpected anger. We can listen without unexpected anger. We can listen without losing ourselves. With detachment , we see our mistakes honestly, make amends and start afresh. It allows us to be in the world but not of it. It frees us to lead our lives with grace. Freeing Yourself Free yourself from dysfunctional people. who are experts at meeting their own needs at the expense of yours. Do not let people stay in your life who trample on your feelings or behave badly. Set clear boundaries so that you do not get caught up in their maze of madness, or feel responsible for their life choices or consequences. Live your own story. Do not try to edit someone else's. Trying To Control An Addicts Behaviour By taking responsibility for the addict's behaviour, you prevent them from experiencing consequences that could lead to hitting bottom. Sadly, there are no guarantees of sobriety but detaching can restore sanity in your home. There may be an overwhelming fear that if you detach, the addict will die. This intense powerlessness can be the hardest part to let go of. There's an Al-Anon saying, "You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it." You're not responsible for the addict's behaviour. It takes a lot of effort to let them have their consequences. Dealing with active addiction can be incredibly frustrating and can trigger intense feelings. With the right support, it gets easier. However you need to learn valuable tools to minimize the impact of addiction. How to Detach Let yourself off the hook for their choices. You can't make anyone better than they choose to be. They are doing this to themselves, not to you. So love them just the same. Detaching Helps With:
Non-violent acting out behaviour
Annoying habits and embarrassing behaviour
Situations you want to control but can't
Examples Of Detachment:
Not making excuses for them
Letting them handle their own problems
Not riding in a car with them when drinking
Removing yourself and children before they become violent
Stop provoking arguments (or responding) to get them to stop
Accepting that you are powerless over someone else's behaviour
What Makes Detaching So Difficult?
Assuming something bad will happen
Thinking you know how to fix it
Feeling overly responsible for the outcome
Not trusting that anything will change
Not having the support or tools to practise it
The Pain Of Addiction When you try controlling the addiction, problems get worse - for you. The addict thinks everything is fine and doesn't see a problem. This happens because the brain gets hijacked by the substance and impacts the ability to think and make decisions. These physiological changes make it impossible for the addict to see what's happening to them. Whatever the addiction (e.g. alcoholism, drug abuse) see it as a disease not a moral issue. Once the addict uses the addictive substance, they are no longer at choice. The stress of trying to control the addiction is exhausting. Anxiety, depression, excessive people pleasing, poor self care and feeling like a "human doing" are signs of families with addiction. You may be telling yourself that "If they'd only stop using, everything would be okay" The problem is that no matter what you do, it doesn't get the addict / alcoholic sober or cured. Even if they stop drinking, the problems are still there. It takes working a recovery program for the entire family for healing to occur. How to Start Recovery Recovery may include substance abuse treatment, individual & family counselling and programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, Relate and Al-Anon. It's common for the families get help before the addict. Not forcing treatment gives the addict the dignity to decide on his own. Hiring a professional to conduct an intervention provides additional support when the addict is out of control.
Michael J Robey
Psychic Medium | Psychic Investigator